I moulded myself, and I fit.

I love a good meditation where my mind wanders off on a journey... the good wander, not the kind where you remember all the things that you need to get from the shops, but the kind where it is dreamlike, and you wander to unknown worlds and strange locations. When this happens, I'm always in the same clothes, regardless of whether I'm presenting as 5 or 50 years old at the time. A yellow floral sundress, with black Mary Jane shoes.

These 'journeys' always serve a purpose, whether it is to calm and centre me by taking me to a serene environment where I can sit and reflect, or to teach me something and give me insight into my own personality and experience, by having me encounter people and places that open my eyes to something, and help me understand my own psyche.

Unlike dreams, I remember these journeys long term. I still remember some journeys from over 25 years ago, I guess because I'm present in the moment they happen, and bring the memories back with me when I re-enter my consciousness. I remember meeting my maternal great grandfather in an old farmhouse with a ginger cat that sat on the window sill, and the detail is just as clear today as it was 25 years ago.

I recently had a journey that enlightened me. I was on a weekend retreat with Marina and the other Brand Ambassadors so we were very much in the space of owning our bodies and owning our experiences with them. I have talked at length with these ladies about my past 5 years of learning to love my own body and find acceptance, coming from the previous 40 years of self-loathing and yo-yo dieting. And I'm at a point of delving deeper to discover who I am on an existential level. We were in the country, on an early morning light yoga and breathwork exercise and we went into a meditation, and I went deep.

On this journey I found myself walking along a long hallway. At regular intervals along the wall, there was an artwork, that was actually a mould of a female body. The perfect female form. I tried to fit myself into each one I came across, and each time I didn't fit, no matter how hard I tried to contort or squash my body. I tried making myself small, I bent over backwards, I tried time and time again and I just didn't fit. I was getting hurt and frustrated at every failed attempt, but when I got to the end of the hallway there was a space, an empty mould. I heard a voice say, "you were never meant to fit in, you were meant to make your own space". I felt free, I felt accepted. So I moulded myself, and I fit.

When I came back to consciousness with tears rolling down my cheeks I shared the story with these wonderful women and we hugged, laughed and cried at the 'aha' moment I'd just had.

Weeks later Marina had the brilliant idea for this shoot. She knew that I happened to have old store mannequins lying around that I'm repurposing as art pieces. Ironically my first full-time job, at age 20, was as a window dresser and I spent my days dressing these 'perfect' thin, tall forms so it's weird like I've come full circle to playing with them again.

The mannequins represent society's ideals; The majority of our clothes are presented to us for sale on these false and unrealistic forms, so to pose with them as a normal body was interesting and fun. Our bodies are very different in shape and size. My two favourite shots are where I'm poking my tongue out at them as if to say, "you're no better than me", and then the one where I'm embracing her because all bodies are beautiful. It feels intimate and sincere. I'm accepting my past experience with body issues, and mannequins, and embracing it.

Mandy